List of Extras for Heart Hunt 2004

Get a photo with any recognizable San Francisco (or other) celebrity. Celebrityhood will be judged by the organizers; if we don’t know who they are, they ain’t a celebrity. 5000 points.

Get a photo with a bride and groom. Suggested spots: City Hall, Palace of the Legion of Honor (extra points if the bride and groom are dressed as Roman centurion and concubine), Land’s End. 2000 points.

Find a really creative homeless person, get a photo. Really Creativemeans that they’re panhandling in an unusual or fun way. 600 points.

The Yankees and Red Sox are playing today; get your photo with somebody in a Red Sox hat. (No, the Yankees don't count. Every poser in the world has a Yanks hat. Team members don’t count, either) 1000 points.

When I was in college, the guy down the hall had a movie called Cheerleader Bondage Hell. Get thee to a porn shop and get a photo of this movie (DVD or VHS). If you can’t find it, find a cheerleader movie and a bondage movie and put ‘em in the same photo. 2000 points for the hack, 3000 for the actual movie.

Get one of the skaters near the ferry building to let you take a ride. Extra points if you're doing a trick. 2000 points.

Easy: Get a pic of the team with the heart and an owner of one of the motorcycles outside. Of course, if the organizers happen to be at pier 23 at the time, you might get more points... 1000 points.

Go to the Giants game. Many, many extra points if you catch a ball. Basically, you’re gonna win if you get a Bonds homer ball. 4000 points

Get a photo with the Starbucks Chairs on the corner of 5th and Howard, under the Burlington Coat Factory. The Starbucks log has been painted over, but they’re still there--two folding chairs like you had for assemblies in elementary school. 1000 points

Make fortune cookies at the fortune cookie factory in Chinatown. As in, your team member has to be on the line, making a cookie. Pics of the regular workers don’t count. 3000 points It’s in Ross Alley, along with...

Yee’s Barbershop is the funkiest one-chair shop in the city. Somebody from your team should get a haircut there (it’s super-cheap), and you should get a picture. Ross Alley? Its’ between Washington and Jackson streets. 3000 points for this one

Go to City Lights and get the whole team reading a Kerouac book. Extra points if you somehow manage to be wearing berets while doing so. 2000 points

While you’re there, get a photo of the team with the mural of Kerouac on (what else) Kerouac Alley. 1000 points

Telegraph Hill is home to a group of feral parrots (seriously). They’re green and noisy; if you can bag ‘em, take a picture. 3000 points

Thirsty? Go to Mr. Bing’s on Columbus. Have a beer. Play dice. Get a photo of your team playing dice. Extra points if you can get the bartender to play with you. 2000 points

Get a photo from inside Davies Symphony Hall. (2000 points) Extra points if you can bag a musician. (3000 points) Even more for Michael Tilson Thomas (he’s the conductor, you Philistine!) (4000 plus celebrity bonus)

Play chess with a chess shark at the Civic Center. Proof of victory is extra points (the other guy’s king, face-down). 3000 points

We’re literary, dammit! Get a pic of everyone on your team with a library card. If you don’t have one, get one while bagging the heart in the atrium of the main library. While you’re at it, get a librarian’s autograph. They should be famous, and you’ll get extra points. 2000 points

While you're getting the heart outside the Asian Art Museum, get a pic of the whole team with someone of Asian descent. Asian team members don't count. 2000 points

Buy something at the Downtown Duty Free. Ordinarily, you have to fly internationally to do that. See if you can be persuasive. 4000 points

Eat some demo food at Williams/Sonoma. Extra points if you can persuade them to let you cook some demo food for your team. 2000 points

Take part in a volleyball game in the Marina. Photo must be an action shot of a team member bumping, setting, or spiking. Extra points for good hops. 2000 points

Pic of a team member flying a kite at Crissy Field, or elsewhere on the Marina. Crissy Field’s kinda far out there, and there’s really nothing to drink there. 2000 points

Be a tourist and go to Lombard Street. Get a photo of the entire team on the red brick of the street. 2000 points

Picture with the Robot Guy. If you have to ask who the Robot Guy is...he’s that guy at the Wharf who acts like a robot for money. 2000 points

Join in with or be dancing with the steel drum band that plays down there. 3000 points

Persuade the breakdancers to let you use their cardboard. Many extra points for:
1) A headspin
2) Windmilling
3) Passers-by giving you money
4000 base points, + 3000 for (1), 2000 for (2), 5000 for (3)

(Easy) 17) Get a photo with the sea lions at Pier 39. Aren’t they cute? 1000 points

Get a photo with the guy who hides behind bushes and scares tourists. Extra points if you can persuade him to let one of your team hide behind a bush and scare tourists. This obviously needs to be documented. 2000 points, +2000 for the second part

Go to the Museum of the City of San Francisco, and get your team’s photo with the Goddess of Progress. (The Museum is in the Cannery, 2801 Leavenworth) 2000 points

The other museum rocks--the San Francisco Maritime Museum! They’ve got a wooden Davy Crockett in there! Get a picture of your team with Davy. If you can make it look like Davy is holding a beer, extra points! 2000 points + 2000 for the beer

Go to the labyrinth in Grace Cathedral--there are two. The inside one is worth more points. GC is at California and Taylor. 2000 points outside, 1000 points inside

Go to the cable car museum! It’s free! Get a photo with Grip Car number 46! 2000 points

Go to Huntington Park! Get a photo with the Fountain of the Tortoises. 2500 points

When you’re done, get yo’ ass up to the top of Top of the Mark and relax for a few minutes. Take a photo with the bartender (2000 points) and of the view of the city (2000 points, 5000 total if you get ‘em both together). Extra points will be awarded by the judges for the artiness of your photo. It’s in the Inter-Continental hotel. Don’t know where that is? Geez, we can’t do all of your work for you--ask somebody!

If you can find Marian and Vivian Brown, take a picture with ‘em. They’re famous old-lady twins who always wear the same outfits, and they live in the neighborhood. 5000 points.

Male team member getting a body shot in a bar in the Castro--as in, taking a body shot off somebody. That means he has to lick, slam, and suck the lime out of someone’s mouth. 4000 points

Pic with a girl with a hardcore mullet. This doesn’t have to be in the Castro, but your odds are higher there. 2000 points

It’s the Folsom Street Fair this weekend, so there’s some interesting stuff going on. Find a leather king and either a) Dominate him b) Be dominated by him. 5000 points, extra points for picture creativity (outside, with several leather boys, whips, etc.)

Someone on your team should model some assless chaps. 2000 points with pants, 5000 points without.

And, someone should have makeup applied by a transvestite. 3000 points for a girl, 4000 for a guy. We’ll check to see if it was actually applied at the end of the day, so you should make sure that it gets laid on thick. Extra points will be awarded for good makeup jobs.

Pic of a teammate, behind the counter at a burrito joint, making a burrito. We have no idea if this is remotely legal. Be careful. 4000 points.

Go to 826 Valencia (don’t forget to talk like a pirate while you’re there) and get a photo of one of your teammates at the booby trap there, preferably being booby-trapped. 3000 points, +2000 (plus celebrity points) if you can get a photo of Dave Eggers being booby-trapped.

While you’re there, get a photo of someone on your team with a parrot (live or stuffed) on their shoulder. You’re a pirate, after all! 3000 points

Get a photo of your whole team in front of the Troll Window on 18th street near Valencia. 2000 points

Join in the drum circle at Sharon Meadows. This means one of your team must be playing the on a drum or drumlike object. The photo must include at least one Sharon Meadow hippie. 3000 points.

Dunk a basketball on one of the hoops in the Panhandle. If you can’t dunk, get creative--the photo just needs to show a team member stuffing it. 3000 points.

The Moore Brothers are playing at Amoeba Records at 2 pm -- it’s free! Get a photo of the band playing (2000 points) or with the band (3000 points) or a team member playing with the band (5000 points).

Because you really want to look like a tourist...yep, get the whole team under that Haight/Ashbury street sign and get a photo (2000 points).

The odds are high that you’re going to see something interesting, disgusting, or just plain strange in your wanderings about our fair city today. When you do, document it, and we’ll award points in a subjective, highly biased manner. Please remember that your judges are easily swayed, take bribes gladly, and are in all other ways eminently corruptible.